What Are We?
by YoshiStack
Summary: Why did girls have to be so confusing? And why did he have to fall for the most confusing one of all? Or, Naegi and Kirigiri discuss just what exactly their relationship has become. Non-Despair AU.


**I think it's only fair that I preface this fic with this: I am asexual aromantic. Writing for ships is not my strong suit because 90% of the time I don't care about this. But I wanted to write something for Ace Awareness Week, and I've decided to go a bit out of my comfort zone.**

 **Naegiri is one of the only exceptions. I want to get better with them, because I think they are wonderful together, platonically or romantically. And it's Ace Awareness week, and I hc them at least Kiri as ace (I'm growing attached to the idea of Ace Naegiri couple though).**

 **This is not perfect, it's not my best work, they may not be perfectly in character and I'm aware of all that. But at the end of the day, I wanted to write this (And I spent all week on it just so I could get this out in time)**

 **And I think that's all that matters.**

 **We'll just say this is a non despair AU for convenience sake.**

* * *

What Are We?

Naegi's leg bounced silently under the desk, foot resting on the bar of the wooden chair he was on; his feet didn't quite reach the ground with how he was sitting. He couldn't stop it, he'd given up trying to long ago. He was too anxious, too wound up. His thoughts were buzzing wildly in his head, and none of them had to do with the unfinished math homework in front of him that he was currently staring holes into.

Rather, they had to do with the girl who's room he was currently in.

He pulled his blank stare away from his math and glanced toward the girl in question. He tried to keep it subtle—staring at people was weird, he knew—but knowing her, she'd probably notice him anyway. Just another skill courtesy of her upbringing as the 'Ultimate Detective' he supposed. Still, he couldn't bring himself to look away.

Kirigiri was wrapped up with her own work at the opposite end of the table. A look of purpose had overcome her features as she scanned over the contents of one of the manilla folders in front of her. Her eyes darted across the pages at lightning speed, her mouth opening slightly as she murmured the lines of text out to herself. It was just one of the many tics of hers that he'd learned about over the course of their friendship.

His lips twitched upward at the thought. She was a very guarded person in everything she did; her words were careful and her body language was closed off so as not to reveal too much about herself. She never allowed herself these small movements when she was in class or out in public. She liked her privacy, so for her to feel comfortable enough to allow herself her small habits in his presence, he felt privileged. In a way, it was like she was entrusting him with one of her secrets.

They'd certainly come a long way from when they'd first met. She was strictly there for business and had no time for distractions, something she'd made crystal clear in one particular interaction only a week into their lives at Hope's Peak

"I don't intend on staying here for long. Your attempts at friendship with me are only going to lead to disappointment for you in the end," she'd said in a tone that left little room for argument and with a sharp, piercing gaze that still gave him chills. He was almost tempted to accuise based on her request alone.

Too bad for her that he was so persistent.

Instead, he remembers looking back up at her with determined expression and returning back, "Then I guess I'll have to convince you to stay."

That was the first time he remembered seeing her face twist into something akin to surprise as he caught her off guard. Then she'd simply chuckled lightly and walked away, muttering something about how she looked forward to his attempts.

And here they were all these months later, with her still a student at Hope's Peak, and where spending copious amounts of time with the other and occasionally spending the night in each others dorm rooms had become their norm—usually on accident, though neither of them really complained about it. Watching movies, reading together, working on homework or her cases, it all became common for them to be seen doing it together. He'd even managed to convince her to play the occasional video game with him (she had a surprisingly competitive side to her when it came to Mario Kart).

It was all a stark contrast to those initial frigid interactions they'd had together.

But all that time he'd spent cracking through her shell and getting to know her, spending time with her and learning as much as he could about the real Kirigiri, it left him wondering:

Just what exactly were they anymore?

It was the one question he couldn't get off his mind, no matter what he tried. It was the one thought that constantly nagged at him, echoing quietly until the sound of it was practically pounding in his ears. He could no longer definitively answer such a simple question, and it troubled him.

Here was the thing: he liked Kirigiri. A lot. He'd figured that out a while ago on his own. There was no exact moment he could recall that had made him so smitten with her; there was too much he liked about her to try and sift through his memories to find only one thing. The feeling had been less like a light switch, sudden and instant, and more like a lever, being pulled slowly as the gradual realization washed over him.

If you'd asked him a week ago if he thought she'd returned his feelings, he'd have doubled over laughing and told you you were crazy (partially because of the ridiculousness of the idea, partially out of panic because "oh my god what if she finds out!?").

But just like the realization of his feelings had came to him gradually, his thoughts on the matter had slowly started to shift. It all lied in the little things she did when only he was around, small gestures that went unseen by anyone else. Small gestures that would be taken for granted had they come from anyone other than her.

It was the way she'd glance at him, her expression ever-so-slightly softer and warmer rather than with her usual reticence, and left him feeling breathless.

Or the way her laugh would sound so different when she chuckled at him—it was her honest and true laugh.

Or how she'd stay up late into the night with him, either helping him with his homework or just listening to his stories, never uttering a complaint, and how he'd feel leather gloves brush up against his fingertips in the moments right before he fell asleep at her desk.

Actions were supposed to speak louder than words, right? But what if he couldn't hear the exact meaning behind those either?

Was it actually possible… that she liked him too?

His knuckles turned white around the pencil he was holding. The thought had been pestering him for weeks, hitting him when he least expected it and leaving him incredibly unsure around her. His initial thoughts were to deny such an idea; he was much too plain, much too average to ever be noticed by her in such a way. There was no way she'd ever like him like that.

But then, what else could all those moments mean?

She wasn't nearly as close to anyone else as she was to him. When she did things, they always seemed to have a purpose behind them. Maybe that was her way of showing she cared?

But on the other hand, what if he was entirely wrong? What if he'd misread this all and he was spectacularly misled? She wasn't the easiest to understand, after all. What if she really only saw him as a friend and he was just riling himself up for nothing? Surely she knew his feelings, she told him he wore his heart on his sleeve every other week, and even he could tell he wasn't subtle. Why hadn't she said anything?

Was it because she was running through the same questions, or was it because she wasn't interested?

He couldn't tell for certain, and that was the most infuriating part of it all. It was impossible to get a read on her. She was amazing at controlling her face and tone of voice, not a shred of any emotion would be shown if that's what she wanted. And of course she wouldn't just tell him, no that'd be too easy.

For a brief moment, his mind flashed to a conversation he'd had with Maizono about the very topic of him and Kirigiri. She and the rest of their class were apparently entirely convinced they were already an item. The revelation that, no that was not the case at all, had earned him a near ear piercing screech from the idol and a bombardment of questions that had left him red in the face with embarrassment more than anything else.

When he voiced his concerns, she'd simple laughed sweetly at him and said _"Oh, Naegi, don't overthink it! If you aren't sure about it, all you have to do is ask her!_ " As if that was the easiest thing in the world. He struggled not to groan at the memory.

Why did girls have to be so confusing? And why did he have to fall for the most confusing one of all?

"Question, Naegi?" The sound of her voice, calm and even as always, made him jump. His death grip on his pencil slackened a bit, almost letting it fall out of his hand. Her eyes hadn't left the document she was holding as she spoke, but a brow was slightly raised, and he was pretty sure it was because of him. He'd been so caught up in his head he'd forgotten that he'd pretty much been gawking at her the whole time. He turned his head away and he could feel his face starting to turn red.

He swallowed thickly. Well, this was a good a time as any, he supposed; it was now or never. He pushed his homework aside, having long since abandoned it, and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm his frenzied nerves. "Kiri, what exactly are we?" he asked, trying to ignore the slight waver in his voice. It was fine, he was fine.

"Humans, last I checked," she responded dryly, then, finally moving her gaze away from the documents in her hand, she looked at him and asked, "You haven't been eating any of Hagakure's baked goods again, have you?"

"N-no, of course not! A-and you know I never meant to in the first place!" he exclaimed defensively, voice rising in pitch at the end. It was ONE time, and the less he thought about it, the better. He noticed the small ghost of a smile on her face and realized that she was messing with him once again. "Hey!"

"You're very easy to wind up, Naegi," she shook her head with as a breathy sounding chuckle escaped from her lips.

"Well, you don't have to ask me such ridiculous questions all the time," he muttered. No he wasn't pouting, not at all.

"I'm a detective, Naegi. Asking questions is part of my job," she said. It would've been easy to drop it at that, easy to fall into their usual banter. But he couldn't afford to be distracted right now.

Because he needed to know.

"...You still haven't answered my question though," he noted. His leg started bouncing again. He hadn't noticed it had ever stopped.

"...I suppose I haven't, no." She let out a quiet sigh and tucked the documents neatly back into the folder. She let it rest on the desk, then pushed it aside, letting her hands fall in front of her as she focused her attention on him. "But answer me this: what exactly are you asking me?"

"I uh," he licked his lips. "I mean what are we? You and me," he clarified. His heart was racing. Had it always sounded that loud in his ears? "Our uh… relationship?" He didn't meant for it to come out as a squeak.

She was quiet for a moment. Her eyes closed as she answered, calculating her response more than likely. "What do you think it is?"

Well this wasn't fair, he'd asked her first. A part of him wanted to retort such a thing, but he was afraid he'd lose his nerve if he veered off onto something else. Insead, he swallowed again, mouth suddenly feeling very dry. "Well uh… we're friends, right?"

"Yes."

"Pretty close friends, wouldn't you say?"

"Yes."

"Ok, t-that's good—great! I'm glad!" he stammered. "I'm really glad you're my friend, Kiri. But um… have you ever considered that maybe we're… more than that?" His voice went quiet at the end as his whole body tensed without his meaning to.

"..."

She didn't utter a word. There was no nod, not hum of interest, no sign of having heard him at all. The only clue he had at all was the way her shoulders jumped the tiniest bit when he'd whispered it out—her breathing had hitched just the slightest amount. He almost didn't catch it, it was a blink-and-you'll-miss kind of moment. He almost wasn't sure it even actually happened.

God, he hoped he wasn't about to regret this in a minute.

"K-Kiri, I-" His words get caught in the lump of his throat for a moment. The only reason he wasn't convinced it's his heart in there is because he can feel it still pounding away in his ribcage. He shook his head. Now was not the time to hesitate, not anymore.

"Kiri, I really like you. A lot, and I uh… well I wanted to tell you awhile ago but I guess I wasn't sure because I like a lot of people—I like everyone here, I'm glad our class is close—but not like this! And I like it when we're together, c-cause you listen to me and what I have to say even if it's not that interesting, and I think you're amazing and so cool, and I like hanging out with you and hearing about your work, and—oh god I'm rambling." He covered his burning face with his hands at the realization. "I uh, long story short: I like you a lot and I know I'm not that special, but… I really do and um… like you, I mean, and yeah." He peaked out between his fingers. "...Please say something." Before he died of embarrassment, he silently added..

There was another silence, this one feeling ten times longer than the last. His head was feeling fuzzy as the regret began to course through his veins. He'd screwed this up, hadn't he? He'd been totally wrong about all of this, and now she was about to laugh in his face about it all. Except that she wouldn't laugh, because that wasn't how she dealt with things. No, she was simply going to shake her head and tell him bluntly that he was a bleeding heart fool and that he needed to leave. And then he would, and they'd never talk again, and he'd have to live with silent shame every time he saw her afterwards.

He almost wished she'd laugh at him instead, at least then it'd be over quickly. He sat there, shoulders tensed as he waited with bated breath, and tried to brace himself for the incoming rejection.

It didn't come.

Instead, she simply looked away from him. "I see," she said, then turned to stand up from her chair, folders from before in hand. She moved towards her bag, but spared one glance back at him, lips quirked downwards. "I'm sorry." Then she continued on, moving the folders into her bag as if it had been a normal conversation.

That was it.

What?

"I-I… what!? 'You're sorry?'" he couldn't mask his stunned expression. He wasn't sure if he should be upset by that reaction, or what he should be; it was too confusing. If anything, he was expecting an apology to be demanded from him, not one from her!

"Yes. I'm sorry." She wouldn't look at him. "Was there something else you wanted me to say?"

There were so many things he would've preferred to have heard. Maybe that she liked him back, maybe a comment about how it took him long enough. At least a flat out no at least would've made sense. He settled on another question instead.

"Sorry… for what, exactly?" Did he really want the answer to that? He wasn't sure anymore. Why hadn't he just bolted out the door already? His heart's thumping against his body pounded in his ears even louder than before, a feat he thought was impossible.

Her shoulders heaved. "I"m sorry because I can't give you what you're looking for."

"O-oh… oh…" She'd said it so bluntly, it almost distracted him from the sound of his heart shattering into pieces.

Too bad the pain of it brought him back to reality. Hard.

It was like a knife had been stabbed into his chest. There was the rejection. It came a touch later than he'd expected, but it was there, twisting, burning, numb pain and all. He lowered his head, sucking on his teeth to keep his mouth from quivering. He wasn't tearing up; there were no tears in his eyes at all, no sir. It was just dusty, that was all.

He was fine, this was fine. They were just friends, that was ok, he liked their friendship (now he had to worry about whether or not he'd ruined that too though). It wasn't her fault she didn't reciprocate his feelings, he'd just been stupid. He'd seen it coming anyway. He was just some boring, average guy that got there purely by luck; she was an amazingly brilliant detective that solved murders everyday like it was nothing. Of course he didn't stand a chance.

Damn his optimism for leading him astray.

"I guess I misread this all…" he let out a humorless chuckle that didn't match his voice at all. He lowered his head into his hands; he couldn't look at her.. "God I thought that… maybe that I just… why did I…?" His words were jumbled and low. His thoughts, buzzing with questions before, now couldn't stop echoing the words she'd said.

 _"I can't give you what you're looking for,"_

"I was stupid… this was stupid, thinking she liked me back," he muttered. He grabbed his forgotten homework and picked up his bag off the ground and shoved it inside unceremoniously. This was getting unbearably awkward—all because of him of course. He needed to leave. "I-I'm just gonna go and-"

"Naegi," her voice was like ice, freezing him just short of reaching the door. "I never said that."

"Huh?" He let his hand fall from the door knob and turned to look back at her.

She'd moved from her bag and was now standing opposite him from her bed. She wasn't directly looking at him, her eyes were off to the side, her arms were crossed over her chest. He could tell even from where he stood she was gripping her jacket sleeves like a vice. From his perspective it almost looked like she was subtly trying to hug herself.

It was the most uncomfortable looking he'd ever remembered seeing her. "You've misunderstood. I… didn't say that I _disliked_ you," she hesitated in speaking, he'd never heard her do that before. She reached up and brushed some loose strands of hair behind her ear.

He blinked. Everything was going too fast to keep up with. "What?" is the only question he can force out of his mouth, basic as it was.

"That's quite the opposite to assume so, actually. I do in fact, enjoy your company greatly, Naegi, for a multitude of reasons of my own." She gave a miniscule smile as she turned herself toward him. "Your presence is a great comfort to me, Naegi. The stories that you find so normal and boring are a nice change of pace for me. And that optimism you claim is the 'only thing good' about you is much more wonderful than you seem to think it is."

"W-well-" He scratched one of his burning cheeks awkwardly.

"You wear your heart openly and easily place faith in others. Much as I chide you for it, it's actually something I hope you never change about yourself." She stared down wistfully at her gloved hands, clenching her fingers into a tight fist. "Trust is not something I give out easily, I can't after all I've been through. I find it a weakness to put faith in others so brazenly as you tend to do, and yet you've still somehow managed to earn my trust regardless, not in spite of those traits, but because of them. Your blind faith, your open heart, your kindness, your empathy… they're all what I appreciate the most about you and why I like to be around you so much." She looked back into his eyes. "So no, Naegi. Saying that I 'don't like you' is a severe misinterpretation of the facts." Her cheeks were dusted with a light shade of pink at her confession.

It was actually pretty cute.

If only he could've taken a picture of her in that moment.

But it didn't last nearly long enough. A frown manifested itself in its place as she looked toward the ground between them.

"But regardless, my feelings don't matter in this situation." And she turned her attention away from him once again.

"W-wait, what?" He was too lost to focus on her expression though. Just what was this rollercoaster of emotions she was forcing him on? Why did she have to make things so much more confusing than they already were? "Then why did you say-?"

"Because we can't have what you're looking for, not from me. We never could." She repeated listlessly.

"B-but you just said-"

"It's not that simple."

"Why?" That was a lie. It was simple. It should be simple. There was no reason it shouldn't be. But leave it up to Kyouko Kirigiri to turn the most basic questions into the most baffling of all time.

"Because… because..." she struggled with her words. The always composed, ever prepared Kyouko Kirigiri was struggling to answer his questions. She swallowed, throat bobbing a bit. "Because I like you too much to put you through that, Naegi." She turned, her back facing toward him now. "I like what we have right now. I couldn't risk our companionship by forcing you to go through a relationship with me, even if I like the idea. That's why."

"I-I.." he stammered uselessly. "What does that even mean, Kiri?!" She liked him, but she didn't? She liked him too much be with him? 'Forcing him' to put up with her? How did that make any sense?

"Naegi…"

"I just…. I'm so lost about all of this. You like me but you… at the same time you don't?" He ran a hand through his messy hair. He was feeling dizzy, but he was too stunned to move back to his chair.

"Naegi, I do… care about you, yes, that much should be obvious, but we could never be in a relationship together. You would hate every second of it, I assure you. And I couldn't bear to put you through that." Her tone was fierce, as if she were commanding him.

He wouldn't give in so easily. He moved to close the distance between them. His steps felt heavy, like his socks had been made of iron. The glare in her eyes weakened just the smallest amount as he trudged forward. He stopped about two feet from her.

"How do you know that for certain?" He frowned. "Give me more credit than that, Kiri! I like hanging out with you now, what would change that?" An idea overtook. "U-unless you're just trying to let me down easy. W-which if you don't like me like that back that's fine! I just-"

"That's not it," she interrupted him before he could start babbling again. "I do like you in the way you mean, Naegi. I'm not lying about that,"

"Then what is it?" He gave a defeated shrug at her backwards glance. "I'm not the smartest guy, Kiri. I'm not perceptive like you, you're the detective. I need you to spell it out to me plainly: if I like you, and if you somehow like me back, why isn't it just that simple? Please Kiri I'm… what's the problem with it?"

Her shoulders heaved a heavy sigh that she let out through her nose. She turned back to look at him again, her eyes hazy and hollow. "The problem," she steeled herself with a deep breath. "is with me. I'm asexual."

"I- wait, huh?"

"I'm asexual, Naegi," she repeated, gripping her arms again.

His breathing stopped. "A… asexual?"

She nodded.

A beat of silence.

And then, out of nowhere, he started laughing. A fit of laughter bubbled up from the pit of his stomach as laughed the hardest he'd ever remembered laughing. He doubled over holding his sides, breathing ragged. Tears started forming in his eyes, and he no longer cared about how it looked as they started to fall down his face.

She looked horrified. Her usual composure had shattered as a hand went flying to her mouth to stop a gasp from getting out. "Naegi…?!"

Why was he laughing? He didn't meant to laugh, he didn't want to laugh. It wasn't funny. But the situation was completely and totally, entirely and truly ridiculous. Only he, with his impossible luck, could get into such a situation like this. So he couldn't help but laugh. It was either that or cry, and at least the laughter helped masked his tears. It was all just so… so…

"I'm sorry, it's not funny," he let out a winded apology. He straightened his posture as best he could, his ribs still tickled as he braced himself on his knees. "It's not funny at all but I just…" he let out another quiet, humorless giggles as he wiped a tear from his eyes on his shoulder. "Is that all, Kiri?"

"What?" Now it was her turn to be shocked. Her eyes were wide and fists tightly clenched in front of her.

"Is that all? Because that's fine." He let out a sigh of relief. His stiff shoulders finally dropped back down as he felt the weight life off of them. "It's not an issue at all."

He thought it was something seriously wrong, or that maybe she was already seeing someone, or even maybe that she didn't even like boys in that way (not that there was anything wrong of that either, of course).

But this? This he could deal with. This was fine.

There was nothing wrong with this.

"You don't care?" Her question was slightly muffled by the gloved hand still in front of her mouth.

"No." A firm shake of his head. Then he thought about how it sounded. "W-well, yes I care! I didn't mean it as in I wouldn't respect your boundaries—in that sense I care a lot! But, if you're asking me about whether or not I think that's a problem… then no, I really don't care."

"It… it doesn't change your opinions on me? Or your feelings? Not at all?"

"Not one bit."

She said nothing, only looked on at him with a stunned expression. Her hands lowered and she opened her mouth as if to say something, but thought better of it and closed it again.

Another moment passed like this. She finally just coughed lightly into her hand and looked away from him. "I-I see," she muttered. Was this really that unexpected?

"You give me any boundaries you need, and I'll listen to them. I just… I really do like you Kiri, you being asexual doesn't change how I see you or me wanting to be with you." He smiled a bright smile at her.

"...So nothing will change your mind?"

He shook his head.

Her fingers tapped against her elbow in a slow, senseless rhythm. "You know that this wouldn't change how I act towards you."

"I wouldn't want you to change."

"I'm not the most affectionate person in the world, physically or otherwise. It's going to take me awhile to get comfortable with and kind of affection from you, let alone returning it."

"I just said I'd listen to your boundaries. I mean that."

"Others will doubt your own sexuality if you pursue this with me,"

"Kiri, almost everyone in our class already thinks we're together, I don't think they're going to view me or you any differently that they already do," he gave her a tired smile.

She fiddled with the edges of her gloves. If he looked hard, he could see the beginnings of the dark and twisted burn scars she'd mentioned to him once or twice before at the edge of her wrist. He quickly stopped looking at them at that. They weren't his business to see.

"Naegi, I'm not sure you're understanding what I mean. I'm _asexual_ ," she repeated with more emphasis on the word. "I will never make you happy. I don't want sex, and I don't think I ever will Naegi, and physical affection is not always very comfortable with me. I am not and never will be attracted to you in that way. You would be sacrificing that and much more if you go through with this."

He shook his head. "No, I understand what you mean completely, Kiri. I just… I don't really see it as sacrificing anything." He shrugged. He'd never really wanted any of those… things, out a relationship anyway. "At the end of the day, I like you for you, Kiri, and for the connections we've shared, not for what I could get from you. I like you, asexuality and all. That's all there is to it. And… if you like me back, just knowing that fact is all I really need."

His frown returned. "But you seem really unsure about it all. If you don't want to do this then-"

"It's not… it's not that I don't want something like that with you. I just…" she lowered herself onto her bed, rubbing at her temples. He sat beside her with a look of concern. "I didn't even think I could feel these… emotions, until rather recently. I always thought everyone around me was lying when they talked about 'crushes' and the like, I never had them. I didn't realize that they were serious until much later." She closed her eyes once again as she spoke her confession.. She looked tense.

He reached up tentatively and hovered his hand over her shoulder, just enough to feel the heat radiating from her body, He looked at her expression. It didn't change. He took it as a good sign and gingerly laid his hand on her shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. She visibly relaxed.

Her lips twitched up for a split second as well.

"But then I met you, and after a time suddenly I understood, but at the same time I didn't, because I felt for the first time in my life, but not the way I supposed to and I just…" she sighed. He squeezed her shoulder once more. "I've just never experienced this before and I'm just not quite sure how to deal with them, I suppose. Pushing them aside and suppressing them seemed like the best choice, but evidently you're not fond of that plan."

He didn't think it was healthy, no.

"But now that you have uh… felt them, do you see it as a bad thing?" Not a conversation he'd expected to be ever be having with someone, he had to admit.

She lowered her head for a moment in contemplation, then looked back at him, the pink having returned to her face. "Given that they're about you, no, not really."

He couldn't help but beam at her. "So.. is that a yes then?"

"A yes to what?" she asked with a knowing smirk. She was teasing him again, wasn't she?

"To er, going out with me?" He squeaked again without meaning to. Damn his voice…!

"So long as you're willing to put up with me and be patient then... No, I don't have any objections," she said, letting out a small laugh at his expression.

"I don't really think I'm 'putting up' with you if I'm the one that asked in the first place," he said. "If anything, you're the one that's been putting up with me,'for awhile," he noted sheepishly.

"Perhaps" she admitted. Her smile slipped after a moment.

"What's wrong?"

"...I have to confess,I'm not really sure what we're supposed to do now that we're…" she gestured vaguely at the two of them.

"I… don't really know either." He let out another laugh. "We're both pretty clueless then, huh? Let's find the answer together then, what do you say?"

Another shy smile came from her lips. "I think I like that idea very much, Naegi." Then, without saying a word, she reached up and removed his hand from her shoulder, and took it into her own grip.

He didn't really know what he was doing, and he wasn't afraid to admit that. But he'd made it this far at least.

And for now, that was enough.


End file.
